Tuesday, December 17, 2013

2013 Christmas Wishlist

The last time I did this was several years ago, and all the items on my wishlist were as rare as unicorn blood. I learned from that mistake, so now I compiled a list of things that I can actually get for myself. If you find me attractive/pitiful/convincing (or some other combination of the three), I will not stop you if you want to buy them for me. After all, nothing exemplifies the spirit of giving more than spending your hard-earned money on someone you randomly know on Facebook.

1. Tuxedo Bag from Little Emily Shop

I have been on a hoarding spree on this site lately and I am absolutely in love with everything they sell. I actually wanted the backpack they sold before, but when I checked, it's no longer available. So I want this instead because it's a Tuxedo Bag. Come on.

2. Girly dress from TNC Manila

I am currently revamping my wardrobe to include other colors that actually look like colors rather than shadows. I also feel like I should reiterate the fact that I am a girl once in a while. Hence, this. I don't know how long it's going to stay available because it is a steal for its price (350php) so if no one wants to give to the Jaja Foundation, I may have to steal from my nephew's birthday money to get this.

3. Wallet from anywhere

I don't use wallets like normal people do (i.e. I don't put cash in it and just grad pictures of my college friends), but I've always carried one around. My old wallet is on a semi-permanent hiatus because it has decided to shed its "skin" inside my bag, so this is of a more urgent request rather than me just being materialistic. Although I totally am.

4. A Sketchbook

Even though I have not touched my current one in weeks, I think I'm going to pick up the hobby soon again because holidays = really shitty internet connection. When I first started sketching, I picked the cheapest one because I never thought I would actually draw something remotely resembling a human being, but so far, I have created the likenesses of Gretchen Barretto and Epi Quizon so I might be on to something here.

5. Pencils and Shading Stumps

I heard you needed these to draw on the sketchbook.

6. Boots from Little Emily Shop

No justification required.

7. A Boyfriend

LOL. I'm just kidding. I know you can't give me a boyfriend.


You can?



Okay, leave your number in the comments section and I'll get back to you in three years.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Happy birthday, Ovaries

"Thor has a big magic hammer. And he knows how to swing it."

Thank you for that, Tom. Thank you for that.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Buzzfeed Day

My feels are acting up more so than usual but I do not want to talk about them. So instead have some Buzzfeed articles, random internet person who clicked on the wrong Agoramania blog:

1. Remember School of Rock? It's this really epic movie from 2003 starring Jack Black and a bunch of badass kids who form a rock and roll band. Well they just had their 10th year (10TH YEAR. I FEEL ANCIENT) reunion and I was pretty excited to see how the drummer boy looked because I had the biggest pedo crush on him. Then I see his pics and they prove that my taste in men is abhorrent as ever.

2. Ryan my-future-husband-and-father-of-my-children Gosling just turned 33. So here's a picture set to  commemorate his time on earth, also known as the Golden Age of Exploding Ovaries. You're welcome.

3. And because Addams Family values were responsible for the construction of my moral compass during adolescence (didja see what I did there? Didja see how I used the title of the movie to-- oh fuck it. Nvm.), have another picture set featuring the family I wished lived next door to our house. Don't get me wrong: our neighbors are absolute monsters, too, but they are definitely not as entertaining.

I hope I made your momentary loss of hand-eye coordination worthwhile, netizen. You can move on to the right website now.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Helping Myself

I have been depressed for years.

The feeling goes away and comes back every now and then, but certain events in my life brought it back to the fore.

I can't eat, sleep, or function at work. I keep crying at random times and places, when hearing songs or listening to silence. I have bad dreams whenever I manage to doze off. I can't write my thesis (which is due in a month, by the way).

And so I decided, with much hesitation and second-guessing, to seek help.  I'm now going through counseling.

I actually wanted to keep mum about the whole thing until it's over. But since this blog is read by approximately 0 people, I don't think posting about it will matter that much to others. To me, who has always written about anything and everything, it does, however.

A part of me hopes that people directly involved in my depression will reach out to me and make me feel better.  But alas, I think it will remain wishful thinking. I will carry on, though, because there is nothing left to do. Stopping is not an option.

To you who may have stumbled upon this entry and may feel the way I'm feeling, I suggest you don't keep it in. I tried it. Didn't work. Call somebody up. If you're too iffy about talking to shrinks, then talk to people you trust the most. If you don't have one of those, then leave me a message here. I may be a complete stranger, but somebody is always better than nobody.

Sunday, July 14, 2013


And when I say I want to run a finger on your chest (right down the middle, leading to the dip of your navel), I am serious. I touch you like that in my dreams. And it's as casual as you draping an arm across my shoulders and hugging me to you. Close. Closer.

Do you remember that time that you backed up against me and stepped on my foot? You said sorry with a laugh. You said you couldn't see me because I was too small. I was. But you could see me.

And I saw you. I still do, after all this time.

Bucket List Update

2. Watch an Up Dharma Down gig live

Plus a picture with the amazing Armi.

I'm planning on pursuing another bucket list item next month. We'll see just which one. :)

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The Man

Most of the time, I am an asexual plant. But in those rare periods where my hormones come alive at the right moment where a breathing, human male finds himself inexplicably attracted to me (and me to him, although this has not always been the case), I get into a romantic relationship.  This has happened only a handful of times in my life, and yet it has happened often enough for me to finally figure out what I would like in a life partner.

When I was younger, I wanted to marry a prince (as expected).  I was so obsessed with Prince William that when I found out that he was going out with Kate Middleton,  I raged for days and felt like my future, the future I deserved, was cruelly ripped from me. Obviously, I was exaggerating. That and now that he is practically bald, I have realized that I never really loved him and was just in it for the free haute couture.

As I got older (and more realistic), I thought I would be wiser in my decisions regarding finding that someone. But with age comes desperation, and desperation leads to nothing but shit. I'm not 40, but like any other female in their late twenties, you look around and see your high school friends getting impregnated, and you panic and ask why nobody wants to fertilize your eggs. So instead of being more careful and decisive, you go at men like social climbers go at Nine West shoes on sale. You go at them hard and unthinking; you just grab the nearest one and sprint to the counter. Nevermind that they're missing a strap, or a heel, or they're not even in your size. Nevermind; what's important is that you have one.

Then you go home. And you look-- really look-- at what you just spent time, money, energy, and emotion on. And then you just feel like killing yourself.

I think you get the metaphor.

Coming from the most heart-wrenching breakup I've ever experienced, I have just begun to realize what kind of choices I made, what kind of things I prioritized, what kind of things I overlooked. I was so intent on this relationship being THE ONE that I ignored everything else that made sense and just hung on for dear life. I did not want to admit it then, but I know now that I stayed in that relationship because a part of me honestly believed that it was my last chance. And it's not. It's not. It will only be my last chance if I let it, if I close all my doors and sulk in one corner for the rest of my life. That man, no matter how happy he made me, was not the one, simply because he was not. Simply because I declare him not to be the one.

Yes, I have recently discovered the power of one's own will. You  may laugh at that, but harnessing one's will is something that people often neglect to do. You often find those who seem so helpless with their lives, whose decisions are not made by them but by their parents or spouses or friends, whose actions are dictated by other people's advice. Well, I won't be one of them. Especially when it comes to choosing the person I will spend the rest of my life with. So here, Universe, I am sending this list out to you for you to know that this is what I want. And this is what I'll get.

The Man: The Anatomy of My Life Partner

1. He is older or my age.
2. He has a stable job.
3. He owns/is planning to own/has the resources to own a car (this may seem shallow but owning a car, and paying for it every month without fail, is a sign that a person knows how to commit to something. That and he knows how to manage his money.)
4. He can live alone ("can" because he may currently live with his parents not out of a lack of choices, but because of a sense of duty).
5. He knows what's happening in the world and is always ready to talk about it.
6. He reads books and likes it.
7. He has the financial freedom to take adventures with me, whenever we feel like it.
8. He is attractive to me.
9. He is attracted to me and is not afraid to show it.
10. He has the balls to go after what he wants.
11. He does not make promises; he acts on them.
12. He takes responsibility for his actions, his words, and his decisions.
13. He is unashamed to meet/talk to my parents.
14. He knows when to take care of me and when to let me do things by myself.
15. He respects me, in every sense of the word.

In making this list, I never wanted to use the phrase "dream man" because I made this list awake, sober, and fully conscious.  And these criteria are, I believe, things that you need from someone if you are going to build a life with them. And the most important thing about this list is that I meet all 15 items in it. It is truly unfair to expect things from your significant other that you yourself cannot give. Hence, whatever I put in this list is also what I have, am, and do.

This is a long shot, I know, but it's all a matter of visualization. If you always think that you're going to end up alone with 30 cats, then you will, mainly because your actions will lean towards that outcome. And although I would really love to have 30 cats, I'd rather have someone to take care of them with me.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Bucket List Part 2: Just One More

11. Go to a gay bar.

How the hell could I ever forget this?

Bucket List (Things I'd Like to Do Before I Die and/or Before You Kill Me)

1. Visit all UP campuses
2. Watch an Up Dharma Down gig live
3. Go somewhere far, alone
4. Come up to a stranger I'm attracted to and tell him/her that I find him/her attractive
5. Design (and pay for) my dream bedroom
6. Read Pride and Prejudice in one day
7. Go on a candlelit dinner date
8. Buy my parents new wedding rings
9. Save 100k
10. Find a man who will love all of me.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Busy Bee

I just realized that it has been six months since I updated. I have been pretty busy (emotionally, professionally, and everything-ly), so forgive me, my beloved four followers, if I have let you pine and whine at my unexplained absence.

I am actually trying to think of something to write(/complain) about here, but as of the moment, my brain is on a vacation. It couldn't stand how obnoxious and controlling my heart had been these past months, so it fled.  I called it earlier, begging it to come back, and it said it was "contemplating" it.

Well, brain, if you're reading this, you are a diva. Get back here because my thesis needs you to do him hard.

And since we just went over your daily personification quota, I shall stop here.

Check back in a few days. I might have something for you to read while you wait for your Facebook friends to give you lives on Candy Crush.