Thursday, October 27, 2011

Random Review: Three Musketeers

  • A sword and long, wavy hair an action hero do not make.
  • I hated Logan Lerman in this movie. I think he's made for sensitive, subdued male roles. He ain't got moves like Jagger.
  • It's kind of unsettling to see Orlando Bloom as a villain. I applaud him for trying to expand his repertoire but this whole mustachioed, period movie thing is not working out. The fact that he was a second-rate Jack Sparrow in a frilly collar ruined it for me.
  • Arthos dropped his lines like Horatio Caine. After every time he spoke, I was waiting for someone to burst out "YEAH!"
  • Also, can somebody please tell Hollywood to quit it with the whole orating-before-killing sequence? Because I seriously just wanted Lerman to die halfway through the movie.
  • The film would've been better if Milla Jovovich had gotten to mutilate some zombies.
  • Dear scriptwriters, if you're going to end a fight scene with the line "You shouldn't have insulted my horse", go back to film school. Please.
  • This film's redemption came in the form of King Louis XIII. "I'm wearing blue!" is the most awkwardly funny line ever.
  • I'd tap Juno Temple for 50 bucks. No wait, I'd pay you 50 bucks to make me tap Juno Temple.
  • This movie is proof that 3D does nothing to make "real people" movies better. I have a theory that it actually does the opposite.
  • You know it's a bad flick when the only person making sense (i.e. by refusing to sail a ship through a storm cloud the size of Kansas) gets shot in the face.
  • I don't know this from experience, but I'm pretty sure it's scientifically proven that when you stick a sword into somebody's spleen, they will bleed. Hence, the lack of blood in this movie is quite disturbing.
  • Three Musketeers is a metaphor for fashion-forward people. All style, no substance.
  • I'm giving this movie a 3 out of 10 for three reasons: cinematography, costumes, and the surprisingly entertaining fat sidekick.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

October Playlist

A mix of indie and not-so-indie. And when I say mix, I mean mix.

1. One Republic - Secrets
2. Our Lady Peace - Is Anybody Home?
3. Sleater-Kinney - Entertain
4. Cynthia Alexander - Motorbykle
5. Tilly and the Wall - Pot Kettle Black
6. The Breeders - Cannonball
7. Jens Leckman - Your Arms Around Me

Random Review: Real Steel

  • I don't know why but I'm more amazed at the SFX used in this movie than in Transformers (the sequels, at least). Maybe it's because they scaled it down to look more realistic. Or maybe because Real Steel didn't involve demolishing half of New York.
  • I like Hugh Jackman. But I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he's married to her
  • Dakota Goyo is a promising young actor.  Anyone who can match Wolverine's swagger and can teach a robot how to dance has a future in Hollywood.
  • I like that the movie didn't go down the Bicentennial Man route. Me want no cry.
  • I appreciate it when producers are able to stop themselves from injecting kissing scenes every five minutes. Sex sells, yes, but I'd rather it doesn't in a robot boxing movie. 
  • Evangeline Lilly is one of the few actresses that can manage to look sexy without flashing her cleavage every two seconds. Also, is it just me or does she look a lot like Jessica Biel?
  • People who want to watch UFC but do not want flying bloody teeth better hope some crazy Japanese scientist figures out a way to make this movie a reality.
  • I am in love with Hugh Jackman's cellphone. Fuck yeah transparency!
  • LOL at subtle product replacements.
  • The people who conceptualized the robot designs deserve an award. That kind of creativity and innovation should always be recognized.
  • This movie makes me want to brutalize our washing machine and turn it into a sumo wrestler.
  • Everything is more fun when your theater seat vibrates to the beat of robot punches. This is 4D, noobs.
  • I don't want to admit it, but Real Steel reminded me of Pacquiao. Or the Filipino people in general. Digged up from the mud of society and working our way up the big arena of life. We might not be the biggest, toughest, most armed race out there, but like what Jackman said, we're gonna go down swingin'.
  • Rating: 8 out of 10. I would have made it a 9 if Hugh took his shirt off more often.